Tuesday, August 4, 2009

i wasn't expecting you

you homesickness you
not for here
in my home of homes pullman
for papua new guinea
i miss
morning coffee
afternoon silences
evening journals
the smiles
the smells
sweet potatoes
no power
the sun
the water
the stars
the people

& SPAIN?!?
i miss SPAIN?!?
i miss
hot hot heat
palm trees
cafe con leche
sidewalk cafes
corner bars
the cathedral
cobbled streets
my senoras cooking
the essence, flavour, life of Spain
i miss it

how do i cope?
sipping my mojito
wishing i were anywhere but here
aching to satisfy my wandering soul
i miss meg & angiers
i see them soon

yet oddly, all i want now
is papua new guinea with a side of spain

Monday, June 15, 2009

Ponderings of Wonder Filled Wanderings

so i have been in these mighty states for a few weeks now
slowly getting back into the routine of routine
& i hate it
i feel so restless
i ache to leave again
to travel
to be & breathe in a place other than this one

i have been doing a lot of thinking about papua new guinea
processing my time there
for all it's heartache & desperate loneliness
i find myself missing the true, continuous joy i felt there
it was contagious
you could feel whenever you met a papua new guinean
see it in their eyes
feel it in their hands
they're so desperate for relationship
their first instinct is to reach out
& then you reach back & you realize they give you so much more
than you could have ever given them

i miss seeing the green south pacific earth
smelling it
seeing all those vibrant flowers
hearing the birds
i miss feeling that "other world sun"
& the stars
how they seem somehow more pure there than here

i try to explain papua new guinea to loved ones
& they think they understand
yet true comprehension cannot be felt
unless one journies there
many things of papua new guinea i cannot explain in words
yet i do now believe
since being there
kindness is love in purest truth
no wall is a good thing
fear is of human invention
a comfortable excuse for us to not try
& all one truly needs
is love

i realize now i am not done traveling the world
i will wait for no one
i feel our beautiful wonderous Earth calling me
reaching out
& i'll be damned not to reach back

soon again,

Monday, May 18, 2009

One More Cup of Coffee Before I Go, To the Valley Below

i am so lost
i don't know what to do with papua new guinea
i don't get it
it wants something of me, is asking something of me, yet i haven't a clue as to what
this is a very difficult country
it's beautiful i suppose, but there is something fierce under the beauty that is somehow creating resistance on my heart
Ukurumpa is fine, very safe & closed in. a bunch of "whiteskins" from all over the world translating the bible into tribal languages, yet still somehow managing to live very much apart from the nationals
& i tell you in truth, the majority opinion of the papua new guineans is not a nice one
there appears to be no desire to foster a relationship, save for a few.
John & Wendy Bailey.
they have to be a pair of the most loving people I've met in a long time
they're an Irish couple with 3 kids & have heaving hearts of compassion for the papua new guinean people; simply wanting to reach out to the nationals & love them as God loves them
i stand next to John & Wendy, & i feel love & peace, God's spirit truly upon them.

things are not good here in Papua New Guinea
aside from being the country with the highest AIDS & STD rate, there's a lot of violence going on
places aren't safe, so says our U.S. embassy
there are a lot of attacks against Asian families & business owners, why exactly i don't know
Goroka, where we are heading next, is full of violence at the moment
as long as we stay together, & don't wander around late at night, we will be fine
i'm not worried about us though
my worries dwell on the hearts & souls of the papua new guinean people
who will love them? who will fight? who will fall far behind?

why don't i feel joy here? peace here?
i see one thing, yet feel another; it's opposite
i am told one thing, & think another
& at the end of each day, i truly don't know what to think
how to feel
what to say

except that i know i am not meant to live in papua new guinea
i struggle in performing "christian" theatre
& i ache to give the papua new guinean people something real

we go onward up into the mountains tomorrow to Goroka until Saturday
pray for joy, energy, hope, & love
pray for truth amidst the suffering

play a Bob Dylan song for me, he captures life quite nicely at the moment


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

& Now We Go

here in papua new guinea
it is hot
& humid
i mean 95 degrees in the shade hot, alongside 100% humidity
no air conditioning:)
so despite the heat & dripping air
we are all doing well
we seem to be tired of Lae
at least i am
i am ready to move on up to the mountains where the earth is greener & richer & cooler, where tall majestic mountains take precedence over any foul mood
the Martin Luther Seminary is quite a wonderful place
we have been so deeply welcomed by the people here
my favourite moments so far have been
going to the grocery store in town
laughing with the papua new guineans
& the many times throughout the day where we 10 are just sitting in our home
reading, writing, listening to music
or just simply being
looking out our huge front room window seeing the paradise before us
the moments of silence, wherein we are doing nothing, are the moments wherein i feel most peace
i am quite tired of always doing something
rehearsing, performing, representing Fox & America
so my constant struggle is to be present in each moment
& not to become too frustrated with our expectations

we leave Lae in the morning
& drive all the way to Ukurumpa, i'm ready to be on the road!

we have a performance this afternoon of scenes we've created with the students attending the seminary, there will be a huge crowd, should be interesting!
we never quite know what to expect with anything we ever do here
freeing & binding at the same time

it is 12:15 here, i leave now for lunch then on with whatever else we have to do today

i love you all & miss you terribly, hopefully i can write you from those powerful papua new guinea mountains

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Dundee Ahoy!

two words:

kanagaroos & koalas

i held them both

red kangaroos are so amazingly sweet & gentle, very patient. they actually remind me a bit of llamas, though less skittish

& holding a koala bear, wow! i have photos, will be sharing!

Australia is beautiful & fair weathered, quite an amazingly different feeling down here, the air is different!

all for now, onward we bound!

more soon,

all my love,


Monday, May 4, 2009

"This Time Tomorrow, Where Will We Be?"

our song!
i found it!
i feel it!
i completely love it!
& i knew it before this morning
i've always loved the Kinks (not as much as the Beatles, however)

this song, (listen to it above), is nostalgic, a little bit sad, & perfectly captures that feeling of being in the air

going somewhere

not really sure where

but you're not where you were

& only going where you'll soon be

so suddenly you're on a threshold

& everything is mysterious & exciting, scary & pure, lovely & enticing, & all together desperate


i will be updating along the way whenever i can
look forward to photos & postcards!
cheers to you, cheers to me, cheers to us & to all
cheers to those stunningly needed souls we'll see & pass in the airport & plane

& in the spirit of our destination, beloved papua new guinea
cheers to my mamizan & papazan, my ba & my braveheart
cheers to being incapable of loving everyone yet choosing to love anyone
let the amamasing begin

& again i say
it's time to
rock n roll

Sunday, May 3, 2009


you're wondering

why does she have such a convoluted blog address?
what in the world does it mean?

check it out:

amamas, in pidgin (the common language spoken between those who living in papua new guinea), means:

joy/gladness/delight/honor/the act of rejoicing, being joyful or content

a beautiful word with a beautiful meaning, yes?

& because i love combining words

i combined 3 words into one
because according to God, jack white, & theatre 3 is the perfect number




being joyful or content, sing, & going

3 three things i pray for on this trip

that we amamas mas y mas each day
that we sing our souls to one another, connecting with each other through faith, theatre, & love
& that we presently progress ourselves, being present in the now while also moving forward

& now i presently progress myself to bed
& shall soon do so on the other side of our world

how He sings me sweet blessings & truth, awake with the Dawn & go forth,

2 days!


Saturday, May 2, 2009

You Tell Me

are we really going to papua new guinea?

are we really going to be traveling there, in the air, olgeta?

are we really going to be living & breathing theatre across the world?

in less than 3 days?

less than yesterday

less than now

less and less


more and more


we feel this

they sing that

we are here now

they are there now

& really?

we are all together

"i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together"

oh you big beautiful Universe of a God, you pour your blessings on us

us who doubt You so often

& worse us who doubt ourselves in You

doubt our beauty in You

have our struggles smoothed

our fears made calm

our hope brightened into breath

You love

You have gifted us

please, i am begging You, may this journey be one of soul contentment for all

sing us into sweet peace & communion with all

thank you for this journey

happening soon? so soon?

yes, really.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Negating Negativity

we leave on monday
& in my opinion
we all complain too much
except for jere & sarah
they don't really ever complain
so essentially
what complaining & grumpiness does exist
needs to at least be less common & our joyful rememberance of our purpose more prominent
despite finals stress & "packing to leave the country stress"
we all need a shift in heart & mind
because the only way any of this is ever going to work
is for us to act in love
towards each other
towards the people of papua new guinea
towards ourselves
did i mention this in rehearsal this evening?
i was too busy complaining ;)
5 days
start memorizing!
secure that blocking!
trust.peace.& hope

"do you wanna see the world/do you wanna see the world/do you wanna see the world in a different kinda way?"- the kooks

Monday, April 27, 2009

Xavier Rudd & Sunday Rehearsal

seven days
in seven days we will be flying across that big beautiful Queen of an ocean
all the way around the world
how intoxicating!
& mesmerizing
as my last extended flight was from that one broken place called Spain
into the arms of those people i love called my family
i miss them now
i see them so rarely
& love them so much
& somehow they have patience for me
as my dear old mum says to me last night
"oh yes well you know i support you in everything you do, yet i really can't wait until all this traveling shit* is over with" (* i won't edit my words nor the ones of those around me, sorry)
& this is why i go
because there is such a world to be seen
to be felt, touched, tasted, smelled, held, experienced
because my soul belongs to nothing but hope, passion, & love
because God did not create us so that we should live in this world separately
but rather so that we might live together
unfortunately different seems to mean separate, & separatism doesn't seem to be good for anyone
so i challenge myself
& all who venture with & among me
to pursue our beautiful earth with the desire to live here, there, & everywhere
differently together
men na mari olgeta
men & women all together
"all together now" (oh it's such a wondrous Beatles song, i hope to teach it to those we meet in papua new guinea)
& another song of wonder would be xavier rudd's "the letter"
a sweetly sung soul of a song with a dash of blues truth, it's incredible!
with such lyrics as:

"& I'll write you a letter
With everything I know
About the weight of the world
& the way things could go
So live up my friend
Step back again
For some things will be given
For some you'll have to bend"

for some reason his songs on his album "food in the belly" feed my soul while i prepare for png
we, jessie, nichole, karith, sarah, stephen, whitney, jordan, emily, rhett, jere, & myself
we prepare our pieces; our lines, our blocking, our intentions, our hearts, & our purpose
i pray amidst all this preparation
we remember the Truth in WHY we're doing what we're doing
because we love God/we love theatre/we love people
we love people through theatre
through theatre we love people
rasa srinvara
always srinvara-ing
always breathing hoping & amamas-ing

for now,
moning sistas na bratas,