i wasn't expecting you

you
you homesickness you
not for here
in my home of homes pullman
rather?
for papua new guinea
i miss
morning coffee
afternoon silences
evening journals
the smiles
the smells
sweet potatoes
biliums
dirt
sweat
no power
the sun
the water
the stars
the people

& SPAIN?!?
i miss SPAIN?!?
i miss
hot hot heat
palm trees
flamenco
sevillanas
cafe con leche
sidewalk cafes
corner bars
the cathedral
cobbled streets
my senoras cooking
the essence, flavour, life of Spain
i miss it

how do i cope?
sipping my mojito
wishing i were anywhere but here
aching to satisfy my wandering soul
i miss meg & angiers
i see them soon

yet oddly, all i want now
is papua new guinea with a side of spain

Ponderings of Wonder Filled Wanderings

so i have been in these mighty states for a few weeks now
slowly getting back into the routine of routine
& i hate it
i feel so restless
i ache to leave again
to travel
to be & breathe in a place other than this one

i have been doing a lot of thinking about papua new guinea
processing my time there
for all it's heartache & desperate loneliness
i find myself missing the true, continuous joy i felt there
it was contagious
you could feel whenever you met a papua new guinean
see it in their eyes
feel it in their hands
they're so desperate for relationship
their first instinct is to reach out
& then you reach back & you realize they give you so much more
than you could have ever given them

i miss seeing the green south pacific earth
smelling it
seeing all those vibrant flowers
hearing the birds
i miss feeling that "other world sun"
& the stars
how they seem somehow more pure there than here

i try to explain papua new guinea to loved ones
& they think they understand
yet true comprehension cannot be felt
unless one journies there
many things of papua new guinea i cannot explain in words
yet i do now believe
since being there
kindness is love in purest truth
no wall is a good thing
fear is of human invention
a comfortable excuse for us to not try
& all one truly needs
is love

i realize now i am not done traveling the world
i will wait for no one
i feel our beautiful wonderous Earth calling me
reaching out
& i'll be damned not to reach back

soon again,
cyn

One More Cup of Coffee Before I Go, To the Valley Below

i am so lost
i don't know what to do with papua new guinea
i don't get it
it wants something of me, is asking something of me, yet i haven't a clue as to what
this is a very difficult country
it's beautiful i suppose, but there is something fierce under the beauty that is somehow creating resistance on my heart
Ukurumpa is fine, very safe & closed in. a bunch of "whiteskins" from all over the world translating the bible into tribal languages, yet still somehow managing to live very much apart from the nationals
& i tell you in truth, the majority opinion of the papua new guineans is not a nice one
there appears to be no desire to foster a relationship, save for a few.
John & Wendy Bailey.
they have to be a pair of the most loving people I've met in a long time
they're an Irish couple with 3 kids & have heaving hearts of compassion for the papua new guinean people; simply wanting to reach out to the nationals & love them as God loves them
i stand next to John & Wendy, & i feel love & peace, God's spirit truly upon them.

things are not good here in Papua New Guinea
aside from being the country with the highest AIDS & STD rate, there's a lot of violence going on
places aren't safe, so says our U.S. embassy
there are a lot of attacks against Asian families & business owners, why exactly i don't know
Goroka, where we are heading next, is full of violence at the moment
as long as we stay together, & don't wander around late at night, we will be fine
i'm not worried about us though
my worries dwell on the hearts & souls of the papua new guinean people
who will love them? who will fight? who will fall far behind?

why don't i feel joy here? peace here?
i see one thing, yet feel another; it's opposite
i am told one thing, & think another
& at the end of each day, i truly don't know what to think
how to feel
what to say

except that i know i am not meant to live in papua new guinea
i struggle in performing "christian" theatre
& i ache to give the papua new guinean people something real

we go onward up into the mountains tomorrow to Goroka until Saturday
pray for joy, energy, hope, & love
pray for truth amidst the suffering

play a Bob Dylan song for me, he captures life quite nicely at the moment

cheers,
cyn

& Now We Go

here in papua new guinea
it is hot
& humid
i mean 95 degrees in the shade hot, alongside 100% humidity
no air conditioning:)
so despite the heat & dripping air
we are all doing well
we seem to be tired of Lae
at least i am
i am ready to move on up to the mountains where the earth is greener & richer & cooler, where tall majestic mountains take precedence over any foul mood
the Martin Luther Seminary is quite a wonderful place
we have been so deeply welcomed by the people here
my favourite moments so far have been
going to the grocery store in town
laughing with the papua new guineans
& the many times throughout the day where we 10 are just sitting in our home
reading, writing, listening to music
or just simply being
looking out our huge front room window seeing the paradise before us
the moments of silence, wherein we are doing nothing, are the moments wherein i feel most peace
i am quite tired of always doing something
rehearsing, performing, representing Fox & America
so my constant struggle is to be present in each moment
& not to become too frustrated with our expectations

we leave Lae in the morning
& drive all the way to Ukurumpa, i'm ready to be on the road!

we have a performance this afternoon of scenes we've created with the students attending the seminary, there will be a huge crowd, should be interesting!
we never quite know what to expect with anything we ever do here
freeing & binding at the same time

it is 12:15 here, i leave now for lunch then on with whatever else we have to do today

i love you all & miss you terribly, hopefully i can write you from those powerful papua new guinea mountains

Dundee Ahoy!

two words:

kanagaroos & koalas

i held them both

red kangaroos are so amazingly sweet & gentle, very patient. they actually remind me a bit of llamas, though less skittish

& holding a koala bear, wow! i have photos, will be sharing!

Australia is beautiful & fair weathered, quite an amazingly different feeling down here, the air is different!

all for now, onward we bound!

more soon,

all my love,

cyn

"This Time Tomorrow, Where Will We Be?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONd4qSs5B5k5B5k
our song!
i found it!
i feel it!
i completely love it!
& i knew it before this morning
i've always loved the Kinks (not as much as the Beatles, however)





this song, (listen to it above), is nostalgic, a little bit sad, & perfectly captures that feeling of being in the air



going somewhere



not really sure where



but you're not where you were



& only going where you'll soon be



so suddenly you're on a threshold



& everything is mysterious & exciting, scary & pure, lovely & enticing, & all together desperate

AMENAMARI OLGETA!

i will be updating along the way whenever i can
look forward to photos & postcards!
cheers to you, cheers to me, cheers to us & to all
cheers to those stunningly needed souls we'll see & pass in the airport & plane

& in the spirit of our destination, beloved papua new guinea
cheers to my mamizan & papazan, my ba & my braveheart
cheers to being incapable of loving everyone yet choosing to love anyone
let the amamasing begin

& again i say
it's time to
rock n roll